this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
