ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
