My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
