if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
