i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize