I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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