yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
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