so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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