Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
