when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
