i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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