We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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