We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
