To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
