My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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