somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
