So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
