we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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