So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
