i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
