we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
