So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
