fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
