you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
