I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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