I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
is wine microwaveable?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
