He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
