my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I intend to get homeless drunk
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
