I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
