And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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