from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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