I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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