this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
