i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
So many bounce houses so little time
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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