theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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