I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
