I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize