i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
