Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize