Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize