3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
