Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I lost the right to judge tonight
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
