You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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