May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
