I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
