i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
