So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
