I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
