you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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