my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
