she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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