Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
