Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
