Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just found puke in my bra..
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
