We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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