His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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