i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
