Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
