fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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