It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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