even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
