I cockslap morals
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
