Tell her she can't have a vagina
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
