Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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