True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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