Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
