Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
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