Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
