all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize