Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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