i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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