i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
where does the pee come out of this thing
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
