why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Randomize
