Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
