I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
