I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
