dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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