well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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