To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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