A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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