Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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