There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
