We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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