Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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