If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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