At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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