he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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