Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Randomize
