I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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