U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize