i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
