Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
