I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Sober January is a disaster.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
