apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
