i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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