just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
