perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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