I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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