If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
