So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
