Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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