Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
