Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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