WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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