How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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