fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
