they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
