So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
