Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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