I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
There are leaves in my underwear?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
