What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize