The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize