her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
