STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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