Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Yo dont text me then not text me
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Randomize
